Toxic Relationships. What Are the Signs of a Toxic Relationship?

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Toxic relationships are a very serious modern-day problem that more and more people around the world are facing. Psychologists describe as toxic those relationships in which partners have no respect for each other, competition rules, and the partners try to suppress one another. All relationships go through ups and downs, because there is no such thing as a “perfect relationship.” But toxic relationships are always unpleasant and drain people of all their strength, and the negative in such relationships far outweighs the positive. Toxic relationships cause psychological, emotional, and possibly even physical harm to one or both partners. In the worst case, sadly, such relationships can lead to degradation and even a fatal outcome. At the beginning of a relationship we all wear “rose-tinted glasses” and idealize our partner. What is more, in a toxic relationship a partner may at first present himself as someone completely different from who he really is. This can happen unconsciously, or it can be done quite deliberately. It is important to diagnose a toxic relationship at the very start, because toxic relationships have one defining trait: the longer they last, the harder they are to end. Such a relationship is like walking into a swamp, sinking deeper and deeper — and it is you who drives yourself into that swamp. Several signs can point to a toxic relationship, and we will look at them in this article.

Why is he toxic? Is it my fault?

Women tend to blame themselves for all relationship problems, but that is not always how it is. This self-blame and searching for fault within oneself is tied to a woman’s self-esteem, upbringing, and attitude toward herself and the world. People sometimes become toxic in relationships deliberately, but sometimes it happens unconsciously, and the person himself does not realize he is toxic. The reasons often lie hidden in such a person’s subconscious, but of course there are also people who do it completely consciously and purposefully. Perhaps these people have been deeply disappointed in relationships, or grew up without a loving family in childhood, or suffered abuse at school or at home. Quite often the reason for such behavior is a mental disorder, and in that case only a doctor can help. But that is certainly no reason to pity them. Whatever the reasons may be, there is no excuse for such behavior.

A reading on your loved one’s feelings. Does he love me?

You should also remember that you will certainly not be able to change a toxic partner. A person can change only if he truly wants to, and on his own initiative. If your partner behaves this way, the likelihood that he will change is minimal — close to zero. It can happen only if some catastrophe strikes his life, some powerful blow that affects him personally and forces him to rethink his entire life. But such cases are very rare. And most likely, if you are currently in a toxic relationship and your partner does, say, change, he will most likely end the relationship with you and start one with someone else. Your role as the victim will no longer interest him, and if he has truly changed, he will look for an equal partner. Sadly, that is the unpleasant, sober reality faced by thousands of people all over the world.

Signs of a toxic relationship

1. The time you spend together is no longer positive, or it negatively affects your goals and personal growth. Healthy relationships are built on a mutual desire to see each other succeed in every area of life. In a toxic relationship, any achievement by one partner turns into a contest, and the rivalry only grows. Whatever happens, your partner seems to be out for himself. You lack a sense of safety and support.
2. Most of your communication consists of sarcasm, criticism, judgment, or even open displays of hostility. For example, your partner may make insulting, sarcastic remarks about your behavior or appearance, and it happens almost every time — or every single time — you meet. The negativity directed at you clearly outweighs the positive. You may even have reached the stage where your partner speaks about you only in negative terms. In the long run, this kind of treatment can erode your self-confidence without you even noticing. This sign may show itself in a man frequently praising other women in your presence while never paying you a single genuine compliment. It is a kind of hidden belittling of you. It can also take the form of constant biting “jokes” at your expense. Or your partner may say toxic phrases such as “Who else would want you but me!”, “Without me you’ll be nothing”, “What are you making up — it’s all in your head!”. A partner may also belittle everything you enjoy and try to hold back your development. For example, you are watching a business program in which some entrepreneur is being interviewed, because you are interested in business. But this person says something along the lines of: “Why are you watching that nonsense? What a stupid show. Who even watches such idiocy — some fool talking who stole everything anyway,” and so on. Of course, these signs must be viewed in the context of everything else happening in the relationship, and above all in the light of how you feel. And these exact phrases will not always mean the relationship is toxic. They may simply mean that you and your partner have completely different opinions and views on life and are not right for each other.
3. Another toxic sign — and something that should certainly never be present in a relationship — is envy. In a loving, open relationship people do not envy each other; they rejoice in their partner’s successes.
4. Excessive control on the partner’s part can also point to a toxic relationship — constant questioning about where you are and what you are doing right now. Constant control can be a deliberate form of manipulation, but it can also be an unconscious urge to control. Either way, it is not a good thing. In some cases such control means the partner is tracking your whereabouts for purely “logistical” reasons — so that you don’t accidentally run into him with another woman he is cheating on you with. Of course, that is not always the case, but very often in toxic relationships the partner cheats as well.
5. A toxic relationship is above all characterized by a pattern in which you or your partner hold grudges over something. Over time, dissatisfaction or resentment only grows and makes the rift in the relationship ever wider.
6. Disrespect for your feelings, for you, and for your time is yet another sign of a toxic relationship. If he is constantly late for dates, changes plans, and creates confusion and a feeling of uncertainty in you, all of this points to a toxic relationship. A man who loves you and whose intentions are sincere will respect you and be considerate of your time. Disregard for your feelings can show itself when, for example, you try to talk about something that hurts or worries you, but he does not listen to you at all, or tells you it is all nonsense — why are you fretting over such silly things, it’s all in your imagination, and so on.
7. Constant stress over the relationship is definitely not a sign of a healthy relationship. If you are permanently anxious, stressed, and worried in the relationship, it shows that something is wrong.
8. Another thing seen in toxic relationships is your needs being ignored and a total disregard for you. Any loving man who truly values his woman will listen to his partner’s needs and try to find some compromise. If your partner is completely indifferent to what you want, that is a very negative sign.
9. Another thing that can point to a toxic relationship is when you yourself do things in the relationship that you don’t want to do — for example, doing things in bed that you don’t enjoy at all, or canceling all your own plans just to meet whenever he suddenly announces he wants to see you. You settle for rare meetings, for him disappearing for weeks at a time and then resurfacing, and so on. This too points to a toxic relationship — and to the fact that your self-esteem has already been damaged.
10. A toxic relationship may also be indicated by your partner keeping you from seeing your girlfriends, colleagues, and family, and trying to restrict your communication with other people. Sometimes toxic partners do this so skillfully and imperceptibly that, without even realizing it, you will find yourself withdrawn, avoiding contact with other people and sinking into your problems and depression all alone. This state is dangerous.

Tarot reading: What is his attitude toward me

If you notice all of these signs in your relationship with your loved one, then it may be time to end the relationship. If you notice more and more signs of a toxic relationship with a man, and it begins to affect not only your psychological and emotional state but also escalates into physical violence against you, you must immediately contact the appropriate authorities and seek help. Even if a toxic relationship has not yet reached the point of physical violence, it can destroy you completely — psychologically and emotionally — and cause serious consequences. It can negatively affect your social life, your financial situation, and your health.

How to get out of a toxic relationship?

Getting out of a toxic relationship can be very difficult. It often requires the help of other people, and escaping this evil nightmare on your own is quite hard — especially when such a relationship runs in endless cycles of breaking up and making up. The thing is, in a relationship like this your body gets used to constant stress and becomes addicted to adrenaline. It takes great strength to break off such a relationship. The problem often is that even if you manage to end the relationship and start seeing someone else, the new partner may seem “boring” against the backdrop of the emotions you experienced before.

That is why, after a relationship like this, it is important to first spend time with yourself and regain your self-esteem before starting a new relationship, so that you don’t fall into the very same relationship trap again.

The most important — and at the same time the hardest — thing is to cut off any form of contact with the toxic partner and block him on all social networks. It is also important to stop all communication with everyone who connects you to this person, because the toxic partner will likely try to reach you through mutual acquaintances. If possible, change your phone number.

Firmly instruct all your friends and loved ones not to pass on any messages from this person, in case he tries to communicate with you through them.

The second most important thing is to turn your attention to yourself and do things that build your self-confidence — for example, focus on your career or a hobby. It doesn’t have to be anything grand: set yourself achievable goals and work toward them. This is a healthy way to raise your self-esteem, because with every small goal you reach, you will begin to value yourself more. That is the main thing to focus on — you need to regain confidence in your own strength. You may also need the help of a psychotherapist, who will help you put your inner world back in order.

Remember that you cannot change other people. You can only change yourself! When you start getting to know a new partner, evaluate and observe him carefully, and make sure there are none of the red flags mentioned in this article.

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